i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
