Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
That was before I lit my hair on fire
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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