I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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