There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
