Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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