Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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