the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
