Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
