Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
