It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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