friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
