You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
