I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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