You can't motorboat a personality
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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