apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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