he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
