I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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