why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
