she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
