I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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