This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Randomize
