He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
