I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
grandma shit on top of the toilet
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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