Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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