I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
