Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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