I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
