I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
