listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
