I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
