I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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