We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Don't make out with my wife yet
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I am available for nakedness
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