I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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