The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
