She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
