I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
