About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
