great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Randomize
