Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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