What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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