My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
