IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
