They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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