SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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