used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
