Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
