This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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