Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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