Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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