Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
