Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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