Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
