do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
