saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
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Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
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I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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