yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize