Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
