so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
