just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
