two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
