I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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