Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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