i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
