Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I fill condoms, not promises.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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