We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
