well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
