Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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