So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
This is classic penis vs brain.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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