Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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