you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
