I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
