I hate your face
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
