I'm sorry my penis didn't work
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
