Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
