I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
