Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
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I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
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I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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