I am spending my child support on dildos
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
