don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
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