I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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