You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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